A Cunning Plan…

cunning-plan-weaselBloody Prince Salman’s plan to kill a pesky journalist was foolproof!  Lure him into a Saudi consulate, bring in a team to dispatch him quickly, disburse his body parts and send in a cleaning crew.  The news story would be “Journalist Mysteriously Disappears” which would vanish instantly in the news cycle.  There was only one spanner in the works…the Turkish government had the consulate bugged.

His fiance was the first to notice that Khashoggi went into the consulate, but never came out.  No problem for Salman, Khashoggi was “not in the consulate nor in Saudi custody.”

“We are ready to welcome the Turkish government to go and search our premises,” he said. “The premises are sovereign territory, but we will allow them to enter and search and do whatever they want to do. If they ask for that, of course, we will allow them. We have nothing to hide.”

Unsatisfied with the response, and for reasons of their own, the Turkish government endeavored to prod Salman’s memory by mentioning that they had audio tapes of Khashoggi being brutally tortured within the consulate, along with choice quotes from the consul, the killers and the doctor with the bonesaw.  They claimed, somewhat disingenuously, that they had obtained this incriminating bit of audio from a live stream broadcast from Khashoggi’s Apple Watch, which apparently had some magical features such as the ability to record conversations taking place in other rooms!

Salman and team spent the next several days staying quiet while feverishly searching for a plausible cover story, until Mango Mussolini suggested that if there was a murder, it was done by “rogue killers.”  Salman’s dad, picking up on the hint, pushed Salman aside and soon announced that Khashoggi was in fact killed, as the result of a “quarrel and brawl,” then quickly rounded up the fall-guys usual suspects  18 suspected rogue killers for an investigation.  Completely 100% not pre-meditated by Bloody Prince Salman!

Except today, video of a Khashoggi “body double” has emerged, showing another Saudi who entered the consulate dressed one way, and left the consulate wearing Khashoggi’s clothing and a fake beard.  In a tribute to Khashoggi, they cast Mustafa al-Madani who while being strikingly similar in appearance, sports a more generous crop of dark hair than the more coif-impaired victim.

“The best laid plans o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley.”

Update: Salman called Khashoggi in the embassy moments before he was killed. An offer too good to refuse?  Also that day the consulate called Salman 4 times, and

Update, 10/23/18: …and now they may have found Khashoggi’s dismembered body in the garden of the consulate.